


I Lose Myself to The Undoing

by OceannanotOceania



Series: Twitter Fics & Drabbles [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Car Accidents, M/M, angel!Jaehwan, star!Hakyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11784411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania
Summary: After the funeral of one of Hakyeon's former students, Hakyeon meets an angel.





	I Lose Myself to The Undoing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LikeSatellites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeSatellites/gifts).
  * Inspired by [May Our Bodies Remain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175846) by [LikeSatellites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeSatellites/pseuds/LikeSatellites). 



> Ok so like,, I talk with [likesatellites](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeSatellites/pseuds/LikeSatellites) about her aptly named ghost fucker AU, and I got rlly emotionally invested in the dynamic between Hakyeon and Jaehwan so I asked her more about it and this is the result of that. ^^;
> 
> This is unbetaed btw, but I hope y'all enjoy! :o

“So, what are you doing after this?”

Hakyeon quirks an eyebrow, grabbing the bottle of soju from Taekwoon and taking a sip. “This?”

“Graduation.”

“Oh.” Hakyeon takes another sip of soju. “I want to be a dance instructor. Probably a modern or contemporary course for kids.”

“That sounds loud.”

Hakyeon snorts, handing the bottle of soju back to Taekwoon. “It’s not that bad, actually. Dance teaches kids discipline, not to mention all the effort is good at letting out all the excess energy kids have.”

“Hm.”

“What about you?”

Taekwoon knocks back another sip of soju, shifting his position slightly to look up at the night sky above them. He shrugs, Hakyeon frowning in reply.

“Graduation is coming up soon, you know.”

“I know.” Taekwoon replies. “I also know that I don’t have anything I could picture dedicating my entire life to.”

Hakyeon sighs, holding out a hand. Taekwoon’s eyes flicker over, the man knocking back another sip of soju before handing Hakyeon the bottle. Hakyeon flashes a smile in thanks, taking a sip of soju before shifting his position so that he’s laying back against the grass, eyes staring up at the nighttime sky.

“We’ll stay in touch right? After graduation.”

“Of course.”

“And you’ll actually text me, right?” Hakyeon adds. “Rather than it always having to be me to text first.”

Taekwoon remains silent, Hakyeon chuckling before sitting up just enough to finish what remains in the bottle of soju.

\---

Hakyeon can’t help another assessing glance of his attire as students file into the dance room. It’s nothing abnormal: Hakyeon just has on jazz shorts that stop about halfway up his thighs and a loose, white t-shirt on, yet Hakyeon can’t help wondering if the clothes would somehow get him on the bad sides of his students’ parents. The thought is promptly pushed aside though as the last of the students wander into the dance room, the last student closing the door behind themself.

Hakyeon shakes his head, turning away from the mirror to face the eighteen students in the room, all around the age of eight or nine. The man smiles, an expression well-cultivated from years of performance.

“Hello everyone.” Hakyeon says. “My name is Cha Hakyeon, and I will be your teacher for this class.” He lifts up a hand, double-checking his count of the room. “I think everyone is here, but I’m going to take attendance real quick so I can put names to faces.”

Attendance doesn’t take long at all, and Hakyeon can’t help being surprised that no one was absent on this first day. Hakyeon sets aside the clipboard with the attendance sheet, grabbing his phone and checking that it was attached to the studio’s speaker system. He scrolls through his music, opening the playlist set aside for warmups. Mid-2000s pop music plays over the speakers, mildly upbeat and with bass that makes the speakers subtly thump. Hakyeon claps his hands together, flashing a small smile.

“Let’s start by warming up.”

~

The hour lesson passes by in a flash, Hakyeon left faintly breathless despite not dancing as hard as he would in a normal practice. Hakyeon finishes off the class with a few brief stretches, clapping his hands and smiling when everyone finishes their stretches.

“I hope you all enjoyed today, I’ll see you next week!”

A few students bolt out the door, presumably grabbing bags left outside the studio room. Everyone else has fanned out to the edges of the room, grabbing dance bags and water bottles left aside during practice. Hakyeon walks over to the small shelf where his phone and attendance sheet were, shutting off the playlist and unplugging his phone. 

“Mr. Hakyeon?”

Hakyeon glances around the room, eyes resting on a small, blond boy in front of him.

“Oh. Hoseok, right?”

Hoseok nods his head, adding, “Yes, sir.”

Hakyeon lets out a small chuckle. “Don’t worry about the ‘sir’, it makes me feel old.”

“O-Okay.”

“Was there something you needed, Hoseok?”

“Did I do okay?” Hoseok asks hesitantly.

“Of course.” Hakyeon replies. “I kept things simpler today for all of you just so I could get an understanding of where everyone is with their technique.”

“Okay, that’s good.”

Hakyeon chuckles. “Do you not think you did well?”

Hoseok shrugs, Hakyeon flashing a small smile.

“Try not to worry too much about being perfect, okay? Just do your best, and I’ll tell you if you ever make any mistakes.”

Hoseok smiles, quickly nodding his head.

Hakyeon chuckles. “I’ll see you next week, then.”

“Yeah!” Hoseok nods his head again.

\---

Hakyeon purses his lips, pen idly tapping on the attendance sheet. He watches the last student walk out of the practice room, grabbing his phone and placing it in his bag before leaving the room. He goes over to the front office, pausing at the front desk just beside the ‘Employees Only’ room.

“Have you heard anything about Shin Hoseok?”

The attendant, Ms. Kim, looks up from the computer in front of her. “Sorry, who?”

“Shin Hoseok.” Hakyeon holds out the attendance sheet to the clerk. “He’s one of my students, but he hasn’t been in class for almost two months and I haven’t heard from his parents about dropping.”

“Oh.” The attendant looks down to the sheet. “You didn’t know, did you.”

Hakyeon frowns. “Know what?”

“Shin Hoseok is on medical leave.” Ms. Kim replies. “He’s been diagnosed with lung cancer.”

“When did you find out this?”

“About a month ago.” Ms. Kim hands the attendance sheet back to Hakyeon. “It’s too early for there to be any sure knowledge about if he’ll end up okay, so the parents haven’t dropped him from classes or anything but,” The thought trails off.

“Right.” Hakyeon lets out a breath. “Is Hoseok at the hospital right now?”

“No clue.” Ms. Kim replies. “You’d have to call his parents.”

“Gotcha.” Hakyeon flashes a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks anyways, though.”

Ms. Kim merely nods, turning her focus back to her computer. 

\---

The day of Hoseok’s funeral it rains. Nothing intense; it’s not a torrential downpour, just enough for one to need an umbrella, enough for puddles to begin to form in grasses ill-equipped to handle large amounts of water. Hakyeon brings an umbrella that day, a small, black one that shields the majority of his body from the steady flow of rain from above. The man can’t help feeling slightly out of place while there; plenty of people recognize him, yet everyone remains clumped in their own subgroups, faces stoic as they stand around Hoseok’s open grave, casket recently placed just above it. Hoseok’s mother had given him a small “hello”, Hakyeon giving his own small reply before she walks away. He had also recognized a few students from his contemporary class, but the few kids remained clumped together, not even noticing Hakyeon’s presence. Hakyeon couldn’t help heaving a breath, going to stand in a spot just near the priest, a man beginning to recite his sermon.

One man stands out like a sore thumb to Hakyeon. He’s stood behind the tombstone, clad in a white suit, a faint, golden aura seeming to surround him. Despite the steady downpour above, he seems untouched by the rain, hair impeccably slicked back. Hakyeon finds himself unable to focus on anything beyond the man, priest’s sermon becoming nothing more than white noise to the dancer. The man takes a couple steps forward, placing a hand on the tombstone, lips pursing slightly. There’s a brief pause before Hakyeon sees what looks like glowing, white smoke rising from the closed casket, swirling a couple feet above it before condensing into a white ball of light, edges flickering like some kind of fireball. The man reaches out the hand that had been on the tombstone, the ball of light moving forward and hovering a couple inches above the man’s hand. He closes his hand, ball of light disappearing immediately, Hakyeon’s lips parting as he lets out a faint gasp. The man looks up then, locking eyes with Hakyeon’s, eyes widening, the dancer unable to help mirroring his expression. And then, the man disappears, form dissipating as if he’d never been there.

Hakyeon blinks a few times, shaking his head as the priest’s sermon comes back to the forefront of his mind, words becoming distinct and less like a subtle hum behind him.

\---

A month passes before Hakyeon sees the man again. It’s not raining this time; instead, it’s nighttime, around 9pm. Hakyeon had stayed at the studio a bit later than usual, stealing an empty room for a few hours to practice old solo choreography, along with starting to make a new piece of his own.

See, if Hakyeon were to be honest, seeing probably was an understatement; he literally runs into the man. Hakyeon looks up from his phone, taking a step back, apology on the tip of his tongue-

“Oh.”

“Hello.” The man flashes a small smile.

Hakyeon blinks a few times. “Are you real?”

The man chuckles. “That’s one way to introduce yourself.”

“Oh, I, um-” Hakyeon looks around the empty street. “I’m Hakyeon. Um, Cha Hakyeon.”

“Hakyeon.” The man repeats slowly. “What a nice name.”

“Thanks.” Hakyeon stutters. “What’s your name?”

“Jaehwan.”

“Ah. Nice to meet you, then.”

“And you as well.” Jaehwan replies. “Mind if I walk with you?”

Hakyeon frowns. “Are you planning on doing horrible, questionable things to me?”

Jaehwan laughs, voice strangely angelic. “Of course not. I’m just bored and kind of lonely.”

“Hm.” Hakyeon says. “Just know that I’m not afraid to fight you if anything bad happens.”

Another angelic laugh. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Hakyeon feels a smile come onto his face, expression quickly shaken off.

“So, what are you exactly?” Hakyeon asks as he starts walking. 

Jaehwan’s keeping pace with Hakyeon, yet his steps make no noise, and even when Hakyeon’s eyes flicker down briefly it looks as if Jaehwan is floating somewhat.

“I’m not human.”

“I can tell.” Hakyeon replies. “What are you, though?”

“What do you think?”

Hakyeon squints, looking Jaehwan over again. “You don’t seem like a vampire.” Jaehwan quirks an eyebrow at that. “Yet you’re not exactly like a ghost, either.” Hakyeon continues, “Are you Death?”

“Oh.” Jaehwan says. “Well, no. Death as some sort of skeleton in a cloak with a scythe is absolutely a human construct.”

“What are you, then?”

“An angel.” Jaehwan replies.

Hakyeon pauses in his walking, Jaehwan stopping a couple paces in front of the dancer, turning back to face him.

“You okay?”

“I,” Hakyeon shakes his head. “Wait, so, at the funeral. That was Hoseok, right?”

Jaehwan nods.

“His soul?”

“Indeed.”

“What happened to him?”

“I helped him pass on.” Jaehwan replies.

“So he’s in heaven now?”

Jaehwan nods. “In a way, yes.”

“Hm.” Hakyeon starts to walk again, moving slowly. “Do you know when I’m going to die?”

Jaehwan squints. “No.”

“Really?”

“I never know when anyone dies until I get an assignment to collect their soul.” Jaehwan says.

“So I’m not dying anytime soon?”

“I certainly hope not.” Jaehwan mumbles in reply, Hakyeon unable to help a small chuckle at the statement.

“You like me that much?”

Jaehwan shrugs. “I think you’re interesting.”

“I’m flattered.” Hakyeon glances up, his apartment door in front of the pair of them. “Well, here we are.”

“Indeed.”

Hakyeon yawns. “I’d let you stay for longer but,”

Jaehwan chuckles. “It’s fine.”

“Will I see you again?”

“Perhaps.” Jaehwan replies. “We’ll see what happens.”

“Alright then.” Hakyeon flashes a small smile. “Have a nice night, Jaehwan.”

“You too, Hakyeon.”

~

Jaehwan visits Hakyeon intermittently after that night. The stays vary in length, from passing moments to say small greetings, Jaehwan promptly whisking off to an unknown assignment; to long conversations had in Hakyeon’s apartment, cut off only when exhaustion tugs hard at Hakyeon’s eyelids, Jaehwan leaving with a gentle goodbye and a divine chuckle that sticks with Hakyeon even while asleep.

“You know, I shouldn’t even be telling you about this.”

“Is there some sort of angel code of confidentiality?” Hakyeon asks, taking a bite of instant ramen.

“Between angels, yes.” Jaehwan replies. “It’s not illegal but it is um... unethical.” Jaehwan continues, “In all honesty, you shouldn’t even be able to see me, anyways.” 

“Really?”

Jaehwan nods. “Divine sight is typically only found in monk families. And even then, not every monk will have that kind of sight, even after years of training.”

“There’s never been monks in my family, as far as I know.”

“Indeed.” Jaehwan replies. “It’s part of why you’re so interesting to me.”

“Part of?” Hakyeon replies. Jaehwan nods. “Why else?”

Jaehwan’s lips purse, the angel’s eyes flickering away. “Just know that there are other reasons.”

Hakyeon quirks an eyebrow. He looks down to his ramen, empty save for a couple bites of noodles, before placing it on the coffee table in front of him. The dancer scoots over on the couch, feeling no heat radiating from Jaehwan’s body despite the close proximity between them. Tentatively, Hakyeon reaches out his right hand, placing it on Jaehwan’s cheek, the angel’s eyes fluttering. He feels nothing beneath his hand, Hakyeon’s fingers instead phasing through the angel’s cheek.

“Oh.” Hakyeon murmurs, pulling his hand away almost immediately.

Jaehwan chuckles, eyes slowly opening. “Yeah.”

“Is this why most people can’t see you?”

“Right.” Jaehwan says. “I can appear in this plane of existence but I’m not actually here. At least, not in the way that you’re here.”

“Ah.” Hakyeon replies. “So you can never be touched?”

“Not by people of this plane.”

Hakyeon purses his lips, eyes flickering away.

“Is something wrong?”

Hakyeon nods.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Hakyeon sighs.

The pair fall into silence.

“It’s late, isn’t it?” Jaehwan says after a few minutes.

Hakyeon leans forward, grabbing his phone off the coffee table and staring at the 22:40 on the screen.

“A little.”

Jaehwan nods his head slowly. “I’ll be on my way then.”

“Good night, then.”

“Good night.”

A pause.

“Do me a favor, Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon quirks an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“Stay safe.”

Hakyeon’s lips part. “I’m going to die soon, aren’t I?”

Jaehwan stands up, glancing away as his form steadily fades. Hakyeon sighs once Jaehwan has fully disappeared, head falling back against the couch.

\---

Hakyeon’s running late. The dancer had meant to go to the studio a bit before class today to help a student out with the choreography for their upcoming recital, but his alarm hadn't gone off. By the time Hakyeon had finally gathered his things, leaving the apartment without even taking a shower nor grabbing breakfast, it was already ten minutes before he promised to meet up with his student.

With a steadily quickening pace, Hakyeon walks, doing what he can to condense a normally 15-minute walk into under ten minutes. A promise made to stay safe just a few weeks ago has retreated to the back of Hakyeon’s mind, overtaken by the stress of being late for his meeting.

The car isn’t seen until too late. Hakyeon hadn't been paying attention, overlooking the crosswalk sign that told him not to cross yet, too locked up in his own thoughts to acknowledge other visual cues. And, if Hakyeon were to be honest, he hadn't felt anything at all when the car made contact with his body, overwhelming pain only hitting when his body falls to the asphalt, scratches dragging up his left arm. Hakyeon can hardly move, only able to crane his head up just enough to see the car quickly driving away from him, license plate a blur. The dancer can feel blood oozing from his wounds, soaking his white t-shirt, dripping onto the asphalt beneath him. With time, the pain begins to fade, Hakyeon feeling exhaustion come over him. It takes little time for Hakyeon to understand the implication of closing his eyes, yet he gives into the impulse anyways, letting exhaustion cover his body like a thick comforter.

~

“Hakyeon?”

Hakyeon’s eyes flutter open, blurry vision somewhat clearing as he sits up. He glances around him, seeing a number of cars stopped and people surrounding him, yet nothing about any of them remains clear; there are no distinct faces, and cars are only vaguely shaped like what they are. His eyes finally fall on a man in front of him, Hakyeon blinking a few times at the only distinct form he can see.

“Hello?” Hakyeon replies tentatively, suddenly aware of the fact that his chest is not rising and falling to breath, that his ability to speak had come from some unknown source. The dancer frowns. “Sorry but, do I know you from somewhere?”

A strange expression appears on the man’s face. “To an extent, yes.”

“Hm.” Hakyeon hums, taking another glance at his surroundings. “I’m dead, aren’t I?”

The man nods slowly. “I’m here to help you move on.”

Hakyeon looks once over the man’s appearance: a white suit, flawless in every sense of the word, white shoes, polished and shining faintly, blond hair slicked aside. The man’s whole being glows with a faint, golden aura, something entrancing that Hakyeon finds himself unable to look away from.

“Do you trust me?” The man says.

“Yes.” Hakyeon answers, likely too quickly.

The man flashes a small smile, reaching out a hand to Hakyeon. The dancer takes it immediately, the touch sending sparks up his arm that Hakyeon is unable to explain. The man helps Hakyeon stand up, squeezing his hand once before grabbing Hakyeon’s other hand.

“This’ll feel funny, okay?” The man says. “As if you don’t exist, but you’ll reappear soon.”

Hakyeon nods his head, adding a small, “Okay.”

The man flashes another small smile, lips parting before Hakyeon hears the man singing faintly. Hakyeon looks down, seeing his hands beginning to dissolve, his being reduced to sand-like grains. The dancer closes his eyes before feeling those fade as well.

~

“Hakyeon?” A familiar voice calls out.

Hakyeon opens his eyes slowly, glancing around the white space around him, eyes eventually landing on a very familiar face. His mouth falls open.

“Jaehwan.” Hakyeon feels himself run forward, throwing his arms around the angel with little thought. It takes a second to realize that he can feel Jaehwan beneath him, body cold yet so present. Hakyeon backs away a step, hands coming to rest on Jaehwan’s waist. “You’re real.”

Jaehwan smiles, letting out a chuckle. “Yes, I’m real.”

“You’re so cold but,” Hakyeon pauses, feeling emotion well in his stomach. “But I can touch you.”

“Indeed.”

“Where am I, by the way?” Hakyeon looks around the white space once again.

“The best word for it would be Limbo.” Jaehwan replies. “It’s a space of transition while you decide where to go.”

“Where can I go?” Hakyeon asks.

“One of two places.” Jaehwan says. “There’s the Beyond, where you can join departed family, friends,” He continues, “You could see Hoseok even.”

Hakyeon’s lips part.

“Or you could be a star.”

“A star?”

Jaehwan nods. “You’ll eternally be a speck of light admired by the living.”

Hakyeon tilts his head slightly. “Is something wrong?”

Jaehwan bites his lip. Hakyeon frowns, reaching up his left hand to caress Jaehwan’s cheek. “You can tell me.”

“If you go to the Beyond, you’ll be amongst loved ones but,” Jaehwan pauses. “I can never see you again.”

“And as a star?”

“As a star, you’ll be alone, but I could see you whenever I can.” Jaehwan replies. “With my collecting souls, I have no clue how often that’ll be. Not to mention that, in reality, calling stars down from their place is essentially taboo.”

Hakyeon drags his thumb slowly along Jaehwan’s cheek. “Then I’ll do that.”

“What?”

“I’ll be a star.”

Jaehwan’s eyes widen. “Are you sure? You could be with Hoseok again. Help him learn the choreography he could never-”

Hakyeon squeezes his eyes shut, moving forward to press his lips to Jaehwan’s own. Despite not needing air, Jaehwan gasps beneath him, Hakyeon relishing the feeling of Jaehwan’s plush lips on his. All too soon Hakyeon pulls away, flashing a smile at the angel.

“I wasn’t with you long enough when I was alive.” Hakyeon replies. “I’ll take those rare chances of seeing you until time itself ends over never seeing you again.”

“You’re sure?”

Hakyeon nods.

“Completely certain?”

Hakyeon chuckles, dragging his thumb along Jaehwan’s cheek once again. “Yes, of course.”

Jaehwan sighs, so human despite the situation at hand. He moves forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Hakyeon’s lips.

“Okay.” Jaehwan steps back a pace, eyes closing before he begins to sing.

The sound is divine, unlike anything Hakyeon had ever heard before, haunted by a strange sense of finality that Hakyeon can’t quite explain. And then, Hakyeon feels himself fade. Unlike earlier, his body doesn’t dissolve like grains of sand; instead, his body steadily transforms into rays of light, reaching out in all directions like flames seeking the fuel of oxygen.

And then, Hakyeon is nothing.

\---

Time passes. Hakyeon has no idea how much time passes; his existence feels like some kind of dream land, yet instead of dreaming he’s just surrounded by golden light, unable to see beyond its deep color. All Hakyeon knows is that time passes, his golden world of silence suddenly penetrated by singing from a strangely familiar voice.

And then, the golden light begins to fade. Hakyeon can feel himself materialize, body parts steadily defined and senses slowly beginning to regain themselves. 

Hakyeon’s world is bright white for the briefest of moments before a figure appears in front of him.

Jaehwan smiles.

“Hello, Hakyeon.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rlly sorry about the inactivity y'all! Things have been busy with my beta and me both (also just,, mental illness), so it's hard for me to post regularly. ^^; If you ever wanna talk about stuff with me tho feel free to hmu on Twitter ([@feministaoa](https://twitter.com/feministaoa)).


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